Names and other identities have been changed to maintain the confidentiality.
Charu came to me, and she was in her tears and was not able to stop her emotions and shared that her partner Rahul was least bothered about her.
For her this relationship is a priority and she has emotionally invested a lot in this and in return she is not getting anything from her partner, who is mostly into himself.
He speaks less and either he is in his work or in his phone or tv programs or doing something on his own, but he is not giving the companionship which Charu is looking for.
This has increased her craving for the attention from him and as much she is pulling him that much, he was maintaining distance. Now the situation is that Charu is feeling over burst of her emotions and either there are fights or some unexplained silence between the two.
This is a case of Anxious attachment style and Avoidant attachment style.
Charu is an anxious attachment pattern person who wants reassurance from her partner consistently that he is there other wise she will get anxious that he might leave her. There is continuous fear of abandonment, which makes her throw anger tantrums but it is her helplessness.
Only reassurance soothes her anxieties of rejection.
On the other hand, Rahul is completely Avoidant style, too much of holding makes him run faster. He fears his independence will be taken and he won’t be able to do what is expected from him and this might take him in guilt. So, he maintains distance and be in himself.
He needs space to return to his calm state. As much Charu will cling to him that much, he will avoid him.
So this is like Tom and Jerry situation. One is runner and other is a chaser.
This couple is coming to me, and first thing I made them aware of their attachment patterns. Only knowing your attachment pattern will not work here. This needs inner work.
We need in depth work. There are reasons for everything.
We worked on the reasons, we are working on many other aspects with the help of continuous sessions and exercises.
Result is that they both are much calmer and connected to themselves and connected to each other. They are experiencing peace and joy and much better intimacy and harmony which was not there despite series of efforts done from them earlier.
Don’t you think they both were in their inner wars and they truly need professional help for this situation otherwise it would have gone in serious after effects?
Do you think without working on their attachment pattern if we would have just given them relationship gyan then it would have worked in this case?
Hope this helps.
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