People generally get married only for the sake of getting married, or they get married seeing those things which become negligible later.
For the majority of people, the main criterion for marriage is looks, education and financial status.
All this is important, but there are few things which are more important than this and ensures lifelong bonding and happiness.
Looks, Status, Education, and Financial status:
Men get married by seeing the looks, status, and education and women typically get married by seeing the education, financial status, background and then looks.
All these factors are very significant but when we get married to someone then the values and thinking of two people needs to get matched.
If our values and thinking are matched, then this gives lot of compatibility and deep understanding between them, and they both can enjoy this relationship and grow in their life.
As far as looks and finances are concerned, then these things are important but unstable.
They can come, and they can go, but good understanding and compatibility makes everything look beautiful and people truly progress in their lives.
People live abundant life together with great chemistry.
If they have good understanding and bond between them, then they can face ups and downs of life together, being each other’s strength.
Parents relationship has a huge impact on children relationships:
As my counselling experience goes, maximum times children treat their partners as they have seen their parents behaving with each other.
Parents relationship effects children a lot subconsciously, and they behave in the same manner with their partners.
They carry the same belief systems. This is a very important aspect and mostly ignored.
If parents had turbulent relationship, then it is must for the child to go for the counselling before entering the relationship himself/ herself.
I know marriage is a gamble, and we cannot find out all before we live with anybody, but then also this is a matter of your life.
Do your job of enquiring about the person and his background properly, with whom you are thinking of settling down, and leave the rest in the hands of God.
We have become very forward about our thinking in our culture.
Both man and woman require everything in their relationship but still Man and woman have some basic needs and if these needs are not met then the relationship crumbles.
The most important need of man is “RESPECT”. He wants his wife to respect him as a head of the family.
Whether his wife is having very high professional identity, then also he wants her to respect him as a husband and as an individual.
He wants her to look up to him. He wants her to speak nicely to him and portray him in good manner to their children and everyone.
This gives him lot of happiness and satisfaction. Once this need is fulfilled, then he takes care of his family enthusiastically.
He feels like keeping up to the expectations of his partner.
This becomes the driving force for providing best to his family and coming home happily in the evening and spend time with his wife and children.
On the other hand, Women requires sense of “SENSE OF SECURITY AND PROTECTION” from her partner.
Women have a need of financial security and emotional security.
She gets emotional security by the confidence that her partner is not hanging out with other women outside.
She might be a very powerful personality and very successful professionally, but still from her man she wants the feeling of being protected and secured.
May be outside she is handling all successfully alone, but from her partner she wants a sense of a strong support behind her.
He is there for her and the confidence that she can lean on him, and he will handle her gently, gives her a lot of satisfaction.
Once this need is fulfilled, then this gives her lot of happiness and peace.
In this happiness, she can do multiple times more for her partner.
Best of People fall outside because of unmet needs:
If these needs are not met by their partners, then this gives rise to dissatisfaction and people fall outside where their need is met though I know people who are in habit of multiple partners, and they go out without reasons, but that is completely a different case.
So, if you really want your marriage to be happy marriage then please fulfil basic needs of your partner otherwise best of people also, might get attracted to the one who is fulfilling their need outside the marriage, and it becomes challenge for them to come out of this outside relationship despite understanding full value of their marriage.
Secondly, if they don’t go outside then they become very bitter, angry and a complaint box which is very harmful for family harmony and progress.
So, take care of your marriage.
Limited vision of parents:
Generally, Grooms’ parents want a beautiful bride for their son and bride’s parents look for a professionally established groom from the influential family for their daughter.
These are the conventional ways to search partners for their children.
Change with the changing time:
Earlier, groom and bride were not even made to see each other or speak to each other.
Parents on their own used to arrange marriage by seeing conventional things.
Women were uneducated and financially dependent on their husbands, and she took every injustice of her husband with a smile on her lips but fear in her heart.
Women weakness was a very big reason for lifelong survival of marriage.
Now things are different.
Women are educated and financially independent. They give back in the worst manner when they feel any suppression.
So now if man and woman truly appreciate, respect and care for each other than marriage lasts long otherwise if not physical, at least mental divorce is guaranteed.
Now we need to see values much more than earlier times because marriage is less of a pressure and need today and more of a happy choice.
Looks and financial state are important but secondary.
Primary is that parents need to make their children aware of this need and encourage them to find a partner who is matching, with their child’ values and thinking so both the children can live happily together forever.
Be aware of your deep needs:
In my consultation practice, maximum people are not even aware of what is their need.
People don’t even think seriously about this before getting married.
After marriage when they feel miserable then also, they don’t know exactly what is lacking.
The moment they get the clear graph of their needs, and their partner’s needs, the happy change starts.
So before people get married, we need to understand and train ourselves for these points.
This acceptance will bring shift in our thinking and divorce rate can be reduced rapidly and happy society can be formed.
Marriage is a most important thread of the social fabric. Investing your time, money and energy in marriage is helping in creating happy society.
When you take care of your partner, then your children also learn how to express love to their partners.
In happy marriage, both the individuals progress in their respective lives.
They walk parallel to each other complimenting in each other’s progress resulting in prosperous living.
Children who are raised in such atmosphere are generally happy individuals, and they also shine in their life.
So, people need to get married for happiness, not just for the sake of getting married or some negligible reasons.
As much as you will understand and fulfil the need of your partner and make your need clear to the other, that much you can achieve happiness in marriage.
Happy Marriage makes happy Society:
A happy Marriage makes a happy family, Happy children are raised, and a happy society is formed.
A happy society creates a happy nation and a happy nation makes a happy world and, in this light, our planet will shine in its glory.
Hope this helps